Distracted Driving: Kids

Distracted driving.

When we hear the phrase, we tend to immediately think of texting. A few other front-seat actions that take our eyes and attention off the road – looking up directions, changing a radio station – might also come to mind. But for parents, the disturbances in the back seat(s) can prove to be a worse diversion than looking down at your cell phone.

I’m the father of two girls – ages five and three.

My daily commute involves one stop at pre-K and another at daycare before I head to work each morning. Like most dads, I want to be a good parent. Even more so, I want to retain my sanity and keep the whining and screaming to a minimum before I walk through the door of my office. But the shortened attention span, tempting technology, immediate-gratification world we’ve fostered for our children has created expectations that can lead to risky habits that put our lives – and the lives of our children – in danger.

"Researchers at the Monash University Accident Research Centre (MUARC) found the average parent takes their eyes off the road for three minutes and 22 seconds during a 16-minute trip with a child in the car. That adds up to being distracted for 21% of their entire driving time, or 12 times as much as the typical human is distracted by their phone in the car."

Here are six in-car parental actions that need to stop NOW:

  1. Looking at whatever your kids are doing

They’re making a funny face, drawing a picture, dressing a stuffed animal or wearing their sunglasses upside down, and they want you to turn around and take a peek. Don’t be afraid to say no. I used to look each time my attention was beckoned. Now I’m honest and let my girls know that I need to keep my eyes on the road to keep us safe and so we don’t have an accident. Turning your head completely around to focus on something seems even worse than looking down for a quick glance at your phone. It can wait for the next stop sign/light.

  1. Taking photos or video of your kids while driving

If you broke rule #1 and saw them holding hands, sleeping cutely or wearing those sunglasses upside down, you may feel the desire to capture the special moment. This is way worse than texting while driving. Yes, you’ll likely miss the moment, but don’t you want to be around to observe more moments like this?

  1. Feeding them

My wife and I bring a food bag in the car during long trips. Even following a typical pick-up at daycare though, we’ll often get requests for fruit snacks. It’s pretty hard to keep your hands on the wheel and eyes on the road when you’re rummaging through a bag, unwrapping a granola bar, opening a bag of gummy worms or trying to hand gold fish and apple juice to the little ones in the back seat without spilling it everywhere. During road trips, your kids don’t need to starve. Either let another adult or older kid in the car handle it or simply pull over.

  1. Refereeing fights and dealing with tantrums

Even the calmest parent’s patience and sanity can be tested by screaming children who are yelling at each other (or you) in the seat behind you. Whether it’s a single child uncontrollably melting down or multiple kids fighting over the same toy, your urge is to restore peace – and even possibly your focus on the road. But resist the impulse to reach into the back to take away a toy or to block one child from kicking the other. (As a kid, the threat issued by my parents to my brothers and me was always, “Don’t make me pull this car over!” Consider that tactic!)

  1. Playing music for them

Remember when our auto music options were FM radio or cassette tapes? Today’s young riders have access to any song ever recorded at any time – and they know it. If you don’t have the latest Kidz Bop song on your phone, it’s simply a few taps away via a Spotify or YouTube search. But even if a song request is on an existing playlist, it still means you need to tap and scroll through your phone to play it – basically the same behavior as texting while driving. (I’m sure this one applies to plenty of adults who don’t have kids in the car.) Pick a playlist, let the songs play and teach your kids some patience in the process.

  1. Handing them toys, iPads and other things that entertain them

Even on short drives, my kids sometimes like bringing toys or books in the car. They often get dropped on the floor and I am implored to reach back, feel around and retrieve them. Not safe. For starters, unless it’s a long trip, kids don’t need multiple toys to play with in their car seat. For longer travels, we will bring iPads. But these (as well as your smartphone) require an adult to cue up movies or “fix” the screen after a few errant taps from a child. (Tip for that: Enable “Kid Mode” using Guided Access on iOS.) In this on-demand world, car rides offer prime opportunities to teach kids a lesson in patience, being present and the value of taking a look out the window and witnessing the world around them.

Yes, this is a driving blog, not a parenting blog. But parents, how many of these behaviors take place in your car? I know you’re trying to satisfy your kids – and I’m not trying to tell you how to parent your children – but you know what’s more important than making your kids happy? Getting them (and you) to your destination safely.

As I wrap up, I have an important story to share. I had previously planned on writing about this topic, but my motivation increased after a recent tragedy involving Augie Gonzalez, with whom I graduated high school. The 36-year old Army Ranger was driving on the highway with three of his children just before 8pm on a Saturday night when his minivan rear-ended a tow truck that had been stopped in the left lane. Augie was pronounced dead at the scene. His 6-year old and 2-year old daughters were transported to hospitals where they later died. (His 8-year old son sustained minor injuries and is expected to make a full recovery.) The accident happened while his wife was on a plane with their 2-month old son.

In the blink of an eye, a wife lost half of her family – her husband and two daughters. Two young boys will grow up without their father and sisters. We don’t know how or why the minivan crashed into the tow truck or why Augie may not have seen it ahead in his lane. (It was still light out.) I can’t help but wonder if he was distracted by his kids and if he diverted his attention to the backseats, preventing him from seeing the tow truck as they speedily approached it and its flashing lights.

Note: If you’d like to donate to the Gonzalez family, please visit their GoFundMe page created by a family friend.

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About the guest blogger: Dave Lang is the Director of Digital Media for the NFL's Baltimore Ravens. He lives in suburban Carroll County, Maryland with his wife, Angie, and their two daughters.

by Dave Lang